The Self-Defense BookClub: Meditations on Violence by Rory Miller
When I first picked up Meditations on Violence by Rory Miller, I knew I had to talk about it with someone who would understand why it matters. That someone was Maya D’Amour from the Power Project in London, UK, and we decided to make it a conversation worth sharing.
This is our first episode of a monthly book club series, where we dig into the frameworks that actually change how we teach and train self-defense.
Note: The Self-Defense Book Club is a conversation between two self-defense educators sharing frameworks and lived experience. We have no personal association with Rory Miller or his work beyond being informed by his book. This conversation is not a substitute for in-person training, professional therapy, or legal counsel. If you're experiencing trauma or abuse, please reach out to a qualified professional.
What We Discussed
The distinction between social and asocial violence
Most self-defense programs teach you to punch harder and be fierce. That's useful if you're dealing with ego-driven violence—the kind where someone's trying to prove something, win a fight, save face. But women, statistically, face a different kind of violence. Asocial violence is predatory. It's hidden, manipulative, goal-oriented. The tactics that work for one don't work for the other. And if we're not teaching this distinction, we're leaving our students unprepared.
Personal self-defense policies
One of the most powerful things you can do is decide in advance what you're willing to do to protect yourself. Not in the heat of the moment when fear and conditioning take over—but beforehand, when you can think clearly. Where's your boundary? What happens if someone crosses it? Will you strike? Eye-gouge? Run? By forming a personal policy ahead of time, you bypass the psychological hesitation that can freeze you when it matters most.
Why resistance works
There's data on this, and it's good news: many assailants retreat when they encounter unexpected resistance. It doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be powerful. But it has to signal that you're not an easy target—and that changes the equation entirely.
Embodied intention and deterrence
You don't have to be the strongest person in the room. Perpetrators are looking for easy targets, not fair fights. When you understand this, you can project an intention to resist—verbally, physically, posturely—that functions as a deterrent on its own. Maya describes it perfectly: the moment she embodied that intention, she saw the shift in people's eyes immediately.
Societal conditioning and permission
Women are socialized to take up no space, to be small, to prioritize others' comfort over their own safety. Self-defense training isn't just about techniques—it's about unlearning that conditioning and giving ourselves permission to act. That's where the empowerment part happens.
Why This Matters
If you teach self-defense, if you practice it, or if you're trying to understand why you freeze in uncomfortable situations—this conversation has something for you. We're not here to say there's one right way to defend yourself. We're here to expand what's possible and help you make choices that feel true to who you are.
Listen to the Full Episode
Watch the complete conversation on YouTube: The Self-Defense BookClub: Meditations on Violence
Next month: Gavin de Becker. We're already reading it and can't wait to unpack it.
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Arise Self-Defense offers empowerment self-defense programs for women and teens, kids, schools, and workplaces across Metro Vancouver. Our work begins long before any physical technique — with voice, boundaries, and the knowledge that safety starts with you.
