How to Speak Confidently: 5 Ways to Use Your Voice
Have you ever wanted to speak up in an uncomfortable situation but didn’t know how?
Using your voice is one of the most powerful ways to stand up for yourself and set boundaries. Whether you’re dealing with a pushy friend, a misunderstanding, or an unsafe situation, verbal assertiveness and assertive communication can help you feel confident and in control.
Your voice isn’t just about what you say—it’s about how you say it.
When you speak firmly and clearly, you show others that you mean business. The good news? It’s a skill you can practise and improve. Here’s how.
Why Verbal Assertiveness Matters
Often, we think that communication is just about what you say. And while our words are important (obviously), our message is also influenced by nonverbal communication. Research tells us that nonverbal communication is responsible for 80% of the overall impact, meaning what you say is only about 20% of the impact.
There are nine types of nonverbal communication, including things like your facial expressions and gestures. But there’s also something called “paralinguistics,” which refers to your tone of voice, loudness, inflection, and pitch.
Paralinguistics is the difference between saying “good for you!” with excitement in your voice, showing a friend you really care. If you said it in a monotone voice, they might wonder if you really are excited.
This is also where assertive communication comes into play. If you speak with verbal assertiveness, you can project confidence and strength.
Speaking up helps you:
Set boundaries and protect your personal space.
Show confidence, even if you’re feeling nervous.
Stop uncomfortable situations from escalating.
Feel heard and respected in your relationships.
Your voice is a powerful tool, and using it effectively can make all the difference.
5 Tips for Using Your Voice Confidently
Your words matter, and how you say your words matters. Here are five tips to try to speak more assertively, using your voice to defend yourself:
1. Speak Clearly and Loudly
Mumbling or speaking too softly can make you seem unsure or lacking confidence. Instead, take a deep breath and project your voice so it’s clear and steady. It’s okay to repeat yourself multiple times, getting louder and clearer as you go.
2. Use Short, Firm Statements
Keep your words direct and to the point. For example:
“Stop.”
“I don’t like that.”
“Leave me alone.”
You do not need to come up with an explanation when you are feeling unsafe or uncomfortable—it’s enough that you feel that way. Try to avoid “justifying” your feelings… They are valid! Focus on short, firm, truthful statements.
3. Practice Saying No
Saying “no” can be hard, but it’s one of the most important ways to set boundaries. Practice phrases like:
“No, thank you.”
“No, I’m not comfortable with that.”
“No, I don’t want to leave yet.”
You can practice saying “no” in many areas of your life. For example, changing your language from “I’m okay with water,” to “No, I don’t want a drink” can help you build your confidence with the word.
4. Match Your Body Language
Confident body language reinforces your words. Stand tall, make eye contact, and avoid fidgeting. You can always practice standing up for yourself with these power poses!
5. Use Their Name
Saying someone’s name grabs their attention and makes your message more personal. For example: “Chris, stop touching my bag.” It’s a way of calling someone’s behaviour out directly, making it clear you are speaking to them.
Your Challenge: Practicing Assertive Communication
This week, practise speaking assertively in small, everyday situations. Maybe it’s asking someone to stop interrupting you or saying “no” to plans you’re not excited about. Notice how it feels to use your voice confidently. Write down one situation where you spoke up and how it made you feel.
Your voice is a tool for setting boundaries, expressing yourself, and standing your ground. The more you practise, the more natural it will feel. Speak up—you deserve to be heard!
And, if you want to dive into some practical training that combines assertive communication with self-defense techniques and strategies, consider joining an upcoming class with Arise! We offer classes for both children and preteens and teens and adults in the Vancouver, BC area.
